Three Great Things is Talkhouse’s series in which artists tell us about three things they absolutely love. To mark the publication of the paperback edition of Josh Pais’ book Lose Your Mind: The Path to Creative Invincibility and the release of his new film Checkout on VOD, the actor, coach and teacher shared some of the things that he loves most in life. — N.D.
When I Don’t Exist
I really love when I don't exist, and what I mean by that is the stretches of time when I am so engaged with what's in front of me that I have no attention on my identity, no attention on who I am. It's a brave stepping into the unknown by being so connected to what's around me, and that’s when I think I do my best work. When that's happening, I have no attention on how well I'm doing, and I'm just connected to the other actors. This phenomenon can also happen when I’m hanging out with friends, when I swim in the ocean when I'm in Long Island, or during good sex! Again, it's just a full immersion in whatever it is that's in front of me, and that's something that I relish.
The first time this happened to me, I was in an acting class, taking part in an experimental theater exercise where we were very connected to our bodies and tuned into the room. All of a sudden, I was so immersed in the present moment that I ceased to exist, and it was magical. Since then, I've explored how I can have more of that in my life, because when it happens, it's like I have access to something so much richer than what my mind can calculate.
I teach something called Committed Impulse, which started out as a training for actors, but subsequently people from all professions have come to it. I have what I call the “four access points,” which connect to the nuance of sensation in the body, keeping the breath going and taking in one’s immediate environment, almost how a baby might, and literally just seeing what's there as color, shape, texture, rather than identifying or naming things. The other piece is, as soon as I'm aware that I'm in my mind, I just say I'm back, and return to that previous state. Some people master it, and experimenting with it has allowed me to step into that sense of immersion more and more.
Double Dipping
My second thing is something I call “double dipping.” Maybe half the nights of the week, I'll wake up around 3 or 4 a.m. Obviously that’s not ideal, but I'm getting better at not fighting it when it happens and instead just saying to myself, “OK, this is that little stretch of time when I’m going to be awake.” The double dipping is when, after that period of time I'm awake, I fall asleep again, and that sleep is so deep. When I wake up in the morning, if I've really had a good double dip, life is grand. I feel fantastic and ready for the day, and so double dipping is really sweet when I can actually get that deep into sleep.
After a deep double dip, it's guaranteed that I’m going to feel good. What's not good is if I wake up in the middle of the night and then I fight it, get frustrated and don’t fall asleep easily again. If I have to wake up at a certain time and I don't get that full double dip, then I'm behind the eight ball all day. Not ideal.
Obviously it’s hard to surrender to the moment, but it’s so important, because we're so taught to produce and get things done, and when we're surrendering to certain things, I think we can bring more to whatever it is we are making. When I first heard about the “first sleep” and “second sleep,” and read a little bit about it, it was such a relief because prior to that, I felt like waking up after four hours of sleep was terrible. But then I found out it was something natural that other people experienced and I should not fight it. Sometimes, if there's something I'm writing or if I’m working on a role, I'll have little epiphanies in that window of time during the night when I’m awake. Sometimes I forget to write them down, so they’re lost, but when I do write them down, some of them are really helpful. I trained with Tadashi Suzuki, and one of his trainings was a very meditative walk where your center is moving through space. Sometimes, when I’m awake at night, I’ll get out of bed and do a really slow walk in the apartment. After that, I’ll feel like, “OK, now I'm ready to get back under.”
Marie’s Salad
Marie is my partner, my girlfriend of 23 years, and she makes a salad that has arugula, sliced cashews, shaved parmesan, avocado and lemon dressing. It’s magical. The salad takes effort and time, so I know whenever she makes it, we're in a really good place. Eating it feels like love. Marie has an alter ego that she calls “Chef Nini,” and when Chef Nini takes over in the kitchen, it's just an act of love, and it's delicious and nurturing on every level.
Chef Nini just arrived in the past year, during the time Marie has been taking a sabbatical from work. It's been a blessing, so I make sure I am my best self and never want to let myself get cranky, because then Chef Nini won't come. She makes tons of recipes, and a lot of them are Italian. She's also gluten free, so she's been experimenting with different kinds of noodles and recently made a dish with jackfruit in homemade pesto with some beautiful chicken chopped up in it. Her pesto is also transcendent.
Marie is very driven and has a highly successful career as an entrepreneur, and prior to her sabbatical, cooking was just an unpleasant chore that allowed us to eat. But now she's given herself this space, the act of cooking is so fulfilling to her, which also makes me so happy, because she's doing something that really fulfills her and is tapping into those Italian roots of food as a loving form of expression.
