There are 27 facets of true metal. Another way to put this would be to say that true metal is an indivisible oneness shaped by heat and pressure into 27 surfaces of revelation. This mathematical theory was, to my knowledge, first propounded on the blog NotMetal.com by Albert Hazred, posting under the name “The Mad A-Roid” in July of 2003. To this day, it remains the standard of “three-cubed” analysis used to distinguish true metal from bullshit — although, be warned, math-metrical musical studies are dangerous and may lead to madness, including visions of the City of Pillars. However, it is important in these times of dishonest metal to rely on a strict statistical model to assess the relative merits of things that are metal as opposed to things that are not metal, or are only partially metal. The use of appended terms such as Traditional Viking, Celtic, Technical, Drone, Medieval Folk, Dark Cello, Gothic, Neoclassical Doom, Progressive Symphonic or Crust are lazy corporate gestures intended to veil a lack of commitment to traversing the difficult terrain a band must conquer in order to achieve the state of metal. These terms truly are excuses for failure. Metal is the word and it is determined by 27 elements:
1. Blasphemous Architecture: A display of profane reaction to the totality of external events which produces a lateral alteration of minds. One does not drag the dark bible along on a string in order to collect an army of like-minded fools. Instead one must propel the listener through a maze of inquiry.
2. The Power of Soon: The music must present ritual ideals focused on “the now” while avoiding procedures that are surrounded in make-believe.
3. Piston Reciprocation: From a strictly musical perspective, the band must display constant and correct interaction between instrumental elements in the recording.
4. Incorrect Roaring: This describes a series of profane procedures and processes which are used to rid subliminal messages of make-believe while stimulating an instinct for curiosity in the listener.
5. Metal Maidens: When the content exploits the subject of gender, the contrast between fictional tortures and actual pleasures must be clear.
6. Non-Toxic Cloaking: In the texture and delivery of subversive material, certain sonic techniques are employed to eliminate misinterpretation of intention.
7. Beast Fire: The music relies on the quality and frequency of sonic modules that approximate uncontrolled transformations.
8. Synthetic Biology: There is a designed transcendence to the music which projects an idealized form of complex humanity.
9. Pantheon of Amulets: A selection of sonic modules representing a short series derived from the 729 standard amulets (silver dimes, ojo de venado, transformation spiral, crucifix knife, ankh sword, etc.).
10. Top Secret Ultra: The songs are based on ceremonies that are parallel to standard methods of surveillance, inquiry and investigation. Paranoia is examined.
11. Promethean Blackout: The creation of boundaries that secure all signs of make-believe within the context of the band’s intention.
12. Brain Density: The degree of power to which any method utilized might rise when only subconsciously exerted. The implementation of this component is most difficult to measure as its effectiveness increases; or, put another way, the obviousness of this component is equal to its lack.
13. Military Sciences: Consists of both examination and utilization of methods that are metaphors for the history of world conflict.
14. Ritual of the Crowned Falcon: Through this ceremony the band deploys complex methods to prove they remain unapologetic.
15. Primary Damage: The music is focused toward conveying the central premise of each song at all times.
16. Maiden Affinity: Following specific procedures when writing about longing and desire in order to repel and attract in the proper proportion.
17. Targeted Metabolic Consequences: An open commitment to physically transform the listener.
18. Bodies of Stone: Examine honestly the common world of people who are exemplars of rigid and negative ideals.
19. Perfect Session Beast: The musicians on the recording demonstrate they can secure their goals by physical prowess alone.
20. Echo Savannah 18: This process achieves, in parallel, the negation of fear and the ratification of curiosity.
21. The Veneration of Saint Matthias: A musical ritual intended to destroy and reconfigure archetypes in order that they better represent the band’s intention.
22. Compartmentalized Systems: Elimination of watered-down influence in any method by examination in a parallel context. The successful implementation of this component can be determined by the precise relationship between the influence and the number of parallels required to examine it.
23. Execution of Lepers: A series of actualization procedures required to improve sonic results when standard techniques create inappropriate barriers.
24. Atomic Ritual: Any required process utilized to recycle energy from one component to another.
25. The Greatest Described: The band demonstrate that they are searching among available processes and utilizing only the corrected sciences and archetypal procedures.
26. Cylindrical Compression: The measurable degree of audible tension or chaos within and among any several sonic elements.
27. Loudest Up: Methods of sonic telekinesis deployed in a clear sequence progressing from simple to complex.
The new studio album by Napalm Death is entitled Apex Predator — Easy Meat. It is the fifteenth album by this British metal band. After repeatedly running Apex Predator — Easy Meat by Napalm Death through the 27 Facets Analysis we found that it scored an astounding 8.7 to 9 out of 9 in every category. It is true metal and thus this signals the completion of the proof.
