I’ve spent the last two years doing a lot of things that I’m not really qualified to do: fronting a hardcore band, writing for major publications, starting a cooking blog and lady-posing in fashion magazines. Add to that list “live-tweeting the Grammys,” which I will be doing on the Talkhouse Twitter on Monday, February 15, at 8 p.m. ET.
I know little to nothing about contemporary popular music — and less than nothing about awards shows. I don’t know anything about how or why people win a Grammy. Is there a committee that votes? Are the winners based on the Billboard charts or album sales (in which case, why does there need to be a ceremony during which we pretend we don’t know who’s going to win)? Does this have something to do with YouTube views? I refuse to look it up. I choose to exercise my American right to remain ignorant even when facts are readily available via the computer in my pocket.
Everything I know about boy bands, I learned on Twitter from such music writers as Maria Sherman and Brittany Spanos. I really like Future and Drake, but Champagne Papi’s “Hotline Bling” didn’t get a nomination. I heard a song on the radio the other day about waking someone up to have sex in the middle of the night and lost control of the muscles in my face. I already liked Fetty Wap, but then the other day I heard some live recordings from the Billboard Hot 100 summer event at Jones Beach Theater — which I attended despite it being a walloping, slimy shitshow — and man, his voice is just incredible. He doesn’t sound like anybody. He sounds like a bass clarinet sometimes, like he can take in and release more air than the average person. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever heard, and his possibilities are endless. I love Fetty Wap. Damn. Is he even nominated? They should just let me decide who wins all the Grammys — and they should definitely let me deliver them in person. Order a pizza, Aubrey, I’m coming over.
Of course, Kendrick Lamar is featured in the amazing advertisements for this year’s ceremony. There’s no denying that To Pimp a Butterfly is the best album of last year, the past five years, whatever. It makes me feel weird that an awards ceremony that has historically privileged white artists is just now getting hip to this shit, but what do you expect? Do you think Kendrick needs validation for his greatness, and if he does, does it need to come in statue form? Why are televised awards ceremonies still a thing? I’d like to ask the interns who get coffee for the people who actually make money off this thing.
I’m sorry. Like I said, I’m unqualified to talk about this. And, to be honest, I’m probably going to end up eating weed brownies and using the Talkhouse Twitter to promote full communism. Speaking of which, why didn’t Downtown Boys get nominated for a Grammy? Can someone Google that for me, please?
Update 2/16/16: Here are some of our favorite tweets from Meredith's GRAMMY takeover.
here's a screen cap from the #GRAMMYs pre-ceremony streaming now! pic.twitter.com/Dwn9bubqcb
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 15, 2016
asking nominees to move closer to the stage is like hardcore shows where the singer asks the six people watching to "move up to the front!"
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 15, 2016
lady gaga looks like she's about to crush casino night zone
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
200% here for Kendrick's outfit https://t.co/szrRMJruQT
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
please jesus cut back to demi lovato's necklace #GRAMMYs
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
I hope Rihanna got takeout, took a bath, read for a bit, aimlessly texted a few people and went to bed early. pic.twitter.com/7Aahk9gXV8
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
"we need to make every single thing accessible to every person with a disability" we are screaming
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
please give kendrick all the resources to do whatever he wants forever and ever
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
"sound and color" is the best song and I am glad Alabama Shakes won. she shreds.
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
oh my god https://t.co/34MMOLe6l7
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
except for Kendrick it feels like I've been eating butter sandwiches for seven hours. the grammys are horrible. goodnight, world.
— Talkhouse (@Talkhouse) February 16, 2016
(Photo credit: Charlotte Zoller)
