Writer-director Dan Levy Dagerman, along with his wife, writer-actress-producer Selina Ringel, made the new romantic comedy You, Me & Her, which is out now in theaters. Their previous movie, Single Mother By Choice, documented Selina’s real-life pregnancy during the COVID-19 pandemic and was acquired by HBO Max. After earning an MFA in Directing from AFI Conservatory, Dan co-founded Two Hands Productions with Selina, also an AFI grad. He also founded High Concept Entertainment, a production company at the intersection of cannabis and entertainment, pioneering content marketing and distribution strategies that reflect the evolving demands of digital-age audiences.
After making two features and countless shorts together with my wife, writer-producer-actress Selina Ringel, we thought we knew what we were getting ourselves into when we set out to turn an intimately personal experience into a romantic comedy, but this journey challenged us like no other and ultimately made us stronger as both a couple and filmmakers. Our new feature film, You, Me & Her, was our most ambitious project we’ve made so far, and we are proud to say the film went on to win multiple awards, critical acclaim, and a groundbreaking distribution opportunity with the Fithian Group. (As the Alpha Test film for Attend – a platform set to revolutionize theatrical exhibition and bring independent films back to theaters – our film is paving the way for a new model of distribution.) And now, after an incredible festival run, You, Me & Her opened in 250 theaters across the country on Valentine’s Day, a testament to the power of independent filmmaking and a dream realized through our relentless collaboration.
Making a film with your significant other is like signing up for a high-stakes gameshow where the prize is an amazing movie, but the challenges involve deciphering each other’s cryptic shorthand, navigating creative differences and occasionally needing couple’s therapy. Welcome to You, Me & Her, the feature film I directed and produced with Selina Ringel. It was a personal, wild and incredibly rewarding experience, and in true married-life fashion, we learned a lot along the way.
Pros and Cons of Working with Your Spouse (Spoiler: They’re the Same!)
● You think you know everything about each other – Until you realize that even after years together, your partner can still surprise you (both in the best and most baffling ways).
● You can confide in each other – This is wonderful … until you realize that sharing every doubt and insecurity means sometimes making each other more insecure.
● You’ve developed a shorthand way of talking to each other – Efficient and effective… but occasionally insulting to each other.
Development: From Vegas to the Big Screen
You, Me & Her started as a personal experience – Selina kissed a girl in Vegas, and instead of a crisis, we got a movie idea. Building on that shared history, we developed a film that explores love, relationships, and self-discovery. When we write together, we have a system: extensive outlining, then Selina writes a “vomit draft” at warp speed, and I meticulously edit, restructuring and refining. We love this process – it plays to our strengths, and I’m happy that only Selina has to stare at a blank page in terror!
Pre-Production: Crazy Ideas and Be the Train
As a team, we have a clear dynamic. I create materials; Selina fearlessly puts them into the world. My process usually involves me saying, “This is a crazy idea …” and Selina either (a) ignoring it or (b) turning it into reality. That’s how this film happened! Selina’s Be the Train model – where you don’t wait at the station but build momentum and make things happen – is the engine behind our work.
On Set: The Beauty and Chaos of a Familiar Face
Filmmaking is high pressure, and when your collaborator is also your spouse, familiarity can be both a superpower and a source of tension. We approach problems from completely different angles, which is both our greatest strength and our biggest challenge. There were moments when we each thought we had the “right” idea, leading to (mostly) respectful debates on set.
Also, comfort has its drawbacks. One challenge was that since Selina and I are so open with each other, we naturally shared our insecurities – which sometimes made us more insecure! Selina would check in with me after takes, asking if her performance was good. As a director, I had already decided to move on, but her question made me second-guess myself. We had to learn to trust not just ourselves, but each other.
Post-Production: Bias and Battles Over the Edit
Editing a film loosely based on your own relationship with your wife is a delicate balancing act. Since the film has a dual point of view, we had to be extra careful with our biases. After my first cut, which may have slightly favored the husband’s perspective, Selina was (rightfully) mad at me. We refined the edit together, with our incredible editorial team as diplomatic mediators, ensuring the story felt true to both perspectives.
The Takeaway: Trust, Love, and Making It Happen
As independent filmmakers, we pour everything into our projects – our time, our energy and our heart. We only get paid if the films succeed together, making our collaboration vital. Through You, Me & Her, we learned to trust each other even more, to communicate (most of the time) better, and to lean into our strengths. Ultimately, working together as husband and wife is an adventure – sometimes turbulent, but always fulfilling.
At the end of the day, we hope that the love and passion we put into this film shine through on screen. Because if nothing else, You, Me & Her is proof that love – whether on-screen or off – takes work, trust and the ability to laugh at yourself along the way.
